(In the interests of transparency, I was sent a bunch of free candles by GMdice. I’m still gonna be honest in my review. So, there.)

I just received some fantasy TTRPG-themed, scented candles in the mail (the chain mail lol. Okay, that was a bad Dad joke). I know what you’re thinking, because it’s exactly what I was thinking: “What the f*&% am I gonna do with candles?” I’m not a candle or incense kinda guy. Nothing against those who like that stuff, but I’ve never seen the need for them, despite long-term incense/scented candle indoctrination/nasal assaults by various girlfriends. I’d rather break out the weights or dance on the inside/headbang to metal.

But I’m always up to try something new, and TTRPG-themed candles sound cool. So, here goes nothing.

I received four 1.4-ounce candles and one 2-ounce candle (ounces?! You Americans and your imperial metrics – didn’t you have a revolution? Go decimal lol), each in a metal tub, each made with different, TTRPG-inspired ingredients and each with a cool brand name – check out the pic below.

I tried out each candle, but being new to candle sniffing/burning, I had no idea what I was doing. After sniffing them all in their respective tins, I realized I needed to light those babies up (one at a time, of course) to get a real taste…er, scent. So, here are my thoughts:

• Dungeon Crawler: This one is meant to be “rich, earthy garden soil” and I can confirm that it does indeed smell like that when you first open the tin. Not my favorite odor, but after I lit it up, it produced a nice warm and earthy scent. Which is what it was supposed to do lol.
• Hunter’s Mark: I love rangers as a class, so I was keen to try this out. At first smell, I was a bit put off – the cypress and bayberry were not my cup of tea (or perhaps I should say “not my beeswax”). Then I lit it, and …the previously overbearing scent was very subtle, indeed. And nice! So, I retract my previous statement lol.
• Rogue’s Revenge: My all-time fave D&D class, the rogue! “Tonka and sweet Oud Wood”? It’s made from a kid’s metal truck and one of those alien dudes from Dr Who? Oops, showing my nerd, there. I had to look those ingredients up (thanks, Google, you horrible, megalomaniac monopoly, you. Now you think I want candles all the time lol). Apparently, Tonka is both a kid’s truck AND a bean. Oud is agarwood, and it’s supposedly spiritual. I still like to think there’s an alien in there, though. To me it smelled velvety and smooth – very nice! And for some reason I feel like doing some yoga…
• Cure Light Wounds: Peppermint and Eucalyptus? So, it’s literally like a healing broth! Nice. I’m a fan of both smells, so having them combined was a winner for me. Light up that motherf&*$#@ and breath it in – now your previously-blocked nose is cleared!
• Chainmail Bikini: Saved the best for last, not just because this Red Sonja-inspired candle of tropical fruit and rum smelt absolutely awesome straight out of the tin, but because if you’re gonna make a semi-misogynistic sounding candle, then it had better be the freaking best smelling one lol. Sweet and sultry, just like everyone’s fave barbarian heroine. Two thumbs up!

Am I now a candle guy (and what is a ‘candle guy’)? Having never seen the need to use candles at any point, and having been subjected to (read: assaulted by) various candle and incense scents throughout my life by various girlfriends, I can safely say I’m still not a candle guy. However…these candles are cool, smell good, and if I were a candle guy, I’d get more of them. In fact, I will use these candles whenever I run a live TTRPG game, to add to the atmosphere. And if an old fogey like me is willing to do that, then that’s saying something lol.

If you like candles to light up your games, or even just to relax to, check out GMdice’s website at https://www.gmdice.com/.

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