The Loneliness of Being

So what is life when you’re alone?

Many might say life is what you make it: that if you’re alone you make the best of the situation. But for others being alone is a wasteland that sucks the essence of their soul and leaves them a withered husk. Unfortunately, I fall into that category.

It’s not that I don’t have friends. I have a handful I can turn to in times of need, but the problem with having so few true friends is I hate to burden them too often.

There is one person that I long to have in my life, but she doesn’t know me (well, not really) and I will probably never have the strength to tell her. I am paralysed whenever she is around, unable to overcome my fear of rejection.

I’m sure there are others out there who experience the same thing. But it’s not the sort of thing you bring up in casual conversation. And so I linger, festering in my own self pity, lost.

I know I have much to offer. But that matters little when weighed against such fear. But for now I long for sleep. Maybe a new day will bring better things. 

Steve

15 thoughts on “The Loneliness of Being

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  1. If they’re really friends then you wouldn’t be burdening them at all. You need to be able to talk about how you feel. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and for all you know, they might understand.

    As for the person you like, maybe find a way to tell her. Because you never know. I know if someone (miracle) had feelings for me; I’d hope they’d tell me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m constantly living in hope. I may be deluding myself. I hope the opportunity arises to tell her. I just have to build the strength to take that opportunity. And I’m sure there is someone out there for you and you won’t need a miracle to find them.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dude, just by your writing I conclude that you’re a pretty awesome person…just felt the need to say that. Also, wouldn’t you rather say something and get an answer back then sit there thinking and yearning without being able to move on in either direction? The worse thing that could happen is rejection and that feeling will pass by faster than you know.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Fearing rejection – no, you are not alone there at all. I understand. I have health isssues/disabilities, and part of me always fears that those I love, including my current boyfriend, will reject me in the end due to my health/weakness. I wrestle with this a lot, for we all do indeed want someone who will steadfastly be there for us. I wrote some of my thoughts on this in one of my posts, (https://feelingsuicidalblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/10/belonging/), yet I feel like I want to find so many more words on the subject… Anyway, in fearing rejection the way you do, you are not alone…and I hope someday the fear will diminish.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Steve….you are selling yourself short!! First, if they are you’re friends, burden them!!! I may not be one of your closest friends, but you can always dump on me!! …….. You know how I feel about your mystery woman. Tell her Steve. If she rejects you,, then you can move on….you know?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Donna, you are a font of wisdom, as usual. Of course I’m going to ignore your advice, but you knew that already, didn’t you lol 😉 What would I have to write about if I wasn’t a sad and sorry mess? 🙂

      Like

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