On the Shelf. A haiku trilogy.

Lost Another friend lost Empty space upon the shelf Whispered remembrance Alone Walking in my sleep Dreaming alone as always Isolationist Reflections Friendship, charity? Mature reflections adrift Empty shelf beckons Friendships can be hard to find and to keep, especially as one grows older. If you’re an introvert it can make it even harder. It’s not easy to find someone you connect with and let it grow to a point where you can say you are ‘real’ friends, rather than acquaintances. I recently lost a good friend. Lots of reasons why: circumstances, distance, family commitments, time. I’m not really sure … Continue reading On the Shelf. A haiku trilogy.

Ignorance Is This. A poem.

I ignore her when she’s near Easier to build walls of insecurity Defences built on shyness and rejection fears So I talk to other women Because I do not care for them I pretend she isn’t there Why am I so unfair (to myself, to her) I wonder if she ever wonders why? Guess not, I’m just some other guy Who she connected with briefly Forgotten in the landscape of friends, work, uni Here I am: isolated, cold, stalled Wondering why I can’t talk to her at all Yet I hope and pray That she might love me one day Why do I … Continue reading Ignorance Is This. A poem.

Three Years Later…

So, here I am, three years after the most harrowing time of my life and everything is pretty much still the same.  I’m not any closer to finding a real purpose. I still have no love in my life. I’m still socially isolated. I still have no idea what I’m doing (my prayers sound like they’re on constant replay). I still have nothing to look forward to. I still suffer from anxiety and depression (although I can walk around now without fear of the walls closing in, so that’s something), I still have no work opportunities, I’m still pretending to … Continue reading Three Years Later…

Amongst the Ashes. A poem.

Some daysI want to open my wristsAnd let them breath in reverseTake the irony of my existencePaint it in the colourOf lonelinessEmptinessHopelessnessAnd watch it flowSlowlySurelySluggishlyDown the porcelain sinkThat holds all my pointless dreamsAnd wash them awayMaybe thenI'll find sweet reliefAmongst the ashes Choose life. Every time. Don't give in to suicide. Life is too precious to waste. Steve Continue reading Amongst the Ashes. A poem.