Every once in a while, I find myself in a mental space I’d rather not be in. And it doesn’t seem to take much to get me there.
It’s a sure sign of poor mental health when a clothes washing incident can bring you to the brink of despair. It’s not the incident itself, however, but the stuff that’s been weighing on your mind, piling up like dirty laundry in the corner, a tower of linen just waiting for a slight tap to bring it all down (I would have said crashing, but that doesn’t seem appropriate for a big metaphorical pile of clothes).
All the crap you’ve been carrying, all the anger and bitterness you thought you’d let go of, all the hopes and dreams you’ve quashed over time—they all decide now is the time to come out and play. And how they play. Not like your best childhood friends in the playground, but foul, demonic entities ready to pluck and rend and torture your soul until there’s nothing left to save.
Of course, it’s all well and good to say, “buck up, move on, get over it”, but people all too rarely do, despite all their affirmations and aspirations. And so they wait, all those little bugs, hiding in your mental cupboards, tucked away in your drawers, just waiting for the day when they will be set free and their fun can begin.
It’s at times like these I have to remember the importance of my anti-suicide vow: my commitment to stay alive for my son. I do NOT wish to be a poster boy/role model for taking the easy way out.
No, life is about facing s@“# and getting on with it. And, yes, every once in a while, having a meltdown and wanting out of it.
But life goes on. It must. Because while we’re alive, it’s all we have.
Stay strong.
Steve
PS I’m so glad I can blog cathartically. I don’t know what I’d do without it, because I certainly can’t wait until my next therapist appointment.
Laidback DM: SteveStillStanding.com 
There is no really good hug emoji but I give you a virtual one, much relativity here. ❤️ Best wishes
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Thanks 🙂
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I am so glad about your anti-sucidal vow….. You son definitely will appreciate that when he finally grows to understand…. Don’t forget your religious readers waiting weekly for your post….. This post would also touch life a give so many people out there the will to keep fighting…. I am giving you a big hug {as quoted above, virtually) and telling you its gonna be alright and keep on fighting (for your cute boy and we, your readers)
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Thanks so much! My boy is not so little anymore. He turned 20 this year lol. He still needs his Dad, though. Thanks so much for your support 🙂
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Hmm… Glad he is all grown up… He definitely still needs you and your advice now more than ever …. You are welcome….
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meltdowns happen bcz too many arseholes around. just my opinion.
it is amazing how many ppl who always want to push u down, to the dirt…it make them happier i guess. jus experience.
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Hey, everyone’s different lol.
I’m responsible for my own s$&@@y life. Some day I’ll come to terms with everything I’ve done and forgive myself. But not today.
Stay strong 🙂
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That last line note could not be any more accurate lol… blogging and just writing has saved me from myself too many times to count. But we’ve got this! Made it this far, just need to stay strong not just for ourselves but for those we love.
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Too right! Thanks for your kind words. Much appreciated 🙂
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Agreed. Thank you the hope.
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Thank you for reading! 🙂
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