The Great Australian Novel. A pondering.

So, what exactly happened with the writing of my great Australian novel (and I use the term ‘great’ very loosely)?

I don’t have writer’s block*. I know a lot of writers suffer from this, and I am always sympathetic (did I say sympathetic. Sorry, I meant uncaring and sociopathically lacking empathy), but not me. Actually, I tell a lie—twenty years ago, in my first novel, I wrote my protagonists into a corner I couldn’t get them out of. It took about ten years to resolve (hey, it was a very tight corner). So, George R R Martin, I get where you’re coming from. But finish bloody Winds of Winter, already!

I’m not suffering from a paucity of time, although I assure everyone who’ll listen that I am. Don’t you realise how difficult life can be for a lazy, sociopathically uncaring, student? This morning I noticed my toenails had grown out to about an inch. The nail clippers were sitting on the table just out of reach. You can guess how that story ended. I think from now on my preferred footwear will be thongs (flip flops, not g-strings), rather than shoes. No reason. Loose rubber slip ons are just very stylish.

I’m still motivated to write. Admittedly, I tend to write more poems then anything else. I haven’t actually written any of my novel for about a month. Let me point out that I do have a very short attention span. If I was to have a competition with a gnat, the gnat would win. But as insects go, gnats are THE most attentive insects in the animal kingdom. Of course I may have read that while I was sleep-deprived and brain-addled at 3:00am. Or maybe I just made it up.

The ideas still flow—sometimes they don’t stop, streaming forth like water from a broken pipe neglected by council workers checking their Facebook timelinesI recently had to (yes, HAD to) get myself a new iPhone 8, ostensibly for the bigger storage capacity (I use my phone to store ideas and write on the run. And on the toilet). Oh, alright, I just wanted a shiny new phone. Yes, now I’m more broke than I was before. But: shiny new phone! (“My precious,” he says, stroking it adoringly in a disturbingly Gollum-like voice.)

My commitment is still strong, despite my ongoing depression. Did I tell you I suffer from depression? “Only about a thousand times,” says regular reader with not much better to do, rolling your eyes. I guess I better tell you again, then. I’m like a roller coaster: manic high days and abyssal troughs. High days, I can’t stop talking. Low days, I’m a puddle. Today, I’m marginally angstified. (Yes, I just made up that totally and awesomely significant new word. I’m waiting for my new urban slang dictionary prize in the mail.)

I’ve been thinking about writing other stories. The torrid and passionate affair I’ve had with my novel still burns bright, but I find myself drawn to shinier, prettier things (and chocolate). Is it a victim of mid-life crisis, my ravenously short attention span, or my ongoing sociopathic egomania? Or all three? I may have answered that question already, but I’ve forgotten what I wrote previously. (Damn you, short attention span!)

If I start writing another novel I know I’ll neglect the other**. But maybe that’s what I need to do. Maybe my current novel isn’t any good. (My only slightly bruised and sociopathically egomaniacal ego refuses to believe that. It’s currently screaming at the wall: “you’re too good for this place!” I think it might be a bit deluded, as well. Now it’s rubbing ice cream all over its face…)

My excuses (uni, dating, music, reading, working out, movies, blogging, D&D, laying about avoiding cutting toenails, etc.) have become my crutches. I can barely move without them. (Perhaps I could invest in a better metaphor—a wheelchair, maybe. Then I could pretend to motivate myself to move a little faster.)

In the end, I guess I could have been writing my novel if I hadn’t written this post. Am I just delusional? Or is that my sociopathic egomania talking? I’ll ponder it while I eat some of this delicious ice cream that somehow got smeared on my face. Mmmmmmm….now, what was I talking about again?

Cheers

Steve 🙂

*Unlike many writers, I’ve rarely suffered from this. If writer’s block was a cold, I’d be interminably hot and sweaty most of the time. 

**Like my previous unfinished novels: they wait politely and patiently, trying to catch my eye. Unfortunately, they don’t realise that I’m very short sighted—literally, not just figuratively. 

25 thoughts on “The Great Australian Novel. A pondering.

Add yours

  1. Interesting post, Steve! 😀 I am the complete opposite of you. I don’t have short attention span but writer’s block. But music and reading unties me from that web of confusion.

    So… yeah I am sympathetic and not empathic. Call me uncaring too. Lol. Jk. I prize my long attention span, I bet I could win a staring contest well! But I itch too much, so that would be pretty distracting. But you get my drift. 😀

    I wish you all the best on your Australian novel. That sounds like a cool topic.

    I love my IPhone 7. I probably watch YouTube on it as much as I write on it. lol.

    Maybe I do get distracted but when I do something I have laser focus.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lol, sorry if i can’t help it, but while reading this, i can imagine you just wanting to slack off and starts talking random things, not rubbish, don’t worry…it’s not bad actually it’s cute, it happens sometimes not just to writers but to all. Well, what matters is you’re still passionate with what you are doing (insert clap,clap,clap here)..hehehe

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Is there a correct way to be a Writer, is it not simply one continuous practice session, writing however we feel, whenever?
    I love posts like these as I feel I am not alone. I just want to sit upright in my bed painting and listening to people talk about aliens (such passion!). I wrote something profound in my journal this morning that I probably will never read again … I should be writing now but I am thinking of chocolate to soothe my low mood …

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This was just wild from start to finish. Like I didn’t know my brain was capable of feeling like it was holding its breath but damn, it did. And by time I finished reading this post, my brain immediately relax like it was letting out a breath of relief.
    I haven’t really gone through your blog yet, but if this is the standard to go by, man, I think I’m gonna need a couple of inhalers just in case I have a mutiple series of asthma attacks reading your blog 😂😂😂😂

    Like

  5. This was a fun read, I liked the ending. I applaud your commitment to your novel, even through your depression. This reminds me of how when I’ve got more than one project going on at once, I make progress on one while procrastinating on another… but all I see is the procrastination. All those other things I think are holding me back from my big project aren’t completely a waste of time, which can be hard to believe. Keep going with your novel, even if it isn’t linear!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! My novel is moving ahead in bite size chunks. I’ve written more of it in the last week than I have in a month. I’ve started using Word on my iPhone and the cloud to store my files, and it’s allowing me to write anytime, anywhere. Yay! 🙂

      Like

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