Not the most positive person. Who, me? That can’t be right…

Yesterday, someone (no names, to protect the anonymity of potentially guilty parties. Alright, it was outrightallie) accused me of being ‘Not the most positive person’. I was, of course, outraged by this incredibly hurtful personal slight, and promptly went through my backlog of posts to see just what she meant.

Okay, so she has a point.

Hmmm…When I started this blog, it was because people in my uni courses found my light-hearted discussion thread posts witty and amusing. I wanted to keep writing on a regular basis, so voila! Instant blog and some funny posts. Over time, as I became more and more depressed at my astounding lack of talent and how unfunny I was, I lapsed into a case of serious ‘Bloglow’. (It’s a real medical condition. In the Ukraine. And Canada. Oh, alright, I made it up.)

(NOTE: That bit about my blog causing depression is not true. Unless you’re a reader of said blog. I actually suffer from long term depression. But it’s nice to blame something…)

So, I guess I’ll have to try to be more positive in future.

I have outlined a ten-point multi-point pointed plan of point attack below, to address this:

  1. Write more positive poetry – I only write poetry when I’m depressed, so that’s a no go.
  2. Write funny stories – Sometimes my stories are funny, so that’s a tick.
  3. Post knock knock jokes – That is so much a Dad-joke thing. Nope.
  4. Predict the future in a slyly controversial and yet light hearted way – No, my future is pretty bleak, no matter which way I look at it. Next!
  5. Post political blogs – Although I used to be highly political and opinionated, I hardly ever watch TV, read news or pay attention to anything happening in the real world, instead choosing to live the life of a hermit writer (just to clarify, that’s not a type of crab. It’s an alleged writer, who lives like a hermit).
  6. Talk more about the weather – Come on, how can that not be funny?! I have just as good a chance of predicting the weather as highly trained weather people do.
  7. Write more ‘Alpha Girl, Beta Max and Me’ stories – I can do that. I just have to open my door for an endless source of inspiration. And abuse.
  8. Post life-affirming quotes – Aghhhh!!!! I’m sorry, all you bloggers who already do this, but posting a positive quote from a book is not my bag. I like my content to be original (oooooooh…first shot fired in the controversial blog debate).
  9. Make more lists – Eventually I’m bound to list something that will make my blog funnier…
  10. Write more blogs about depression – No! I just said positive, you idiot!
  11. Learn how to count properly – I can do that. Doesn’t help my blog positivity rating, though.
  12. Still need to learn how to count properly – alright, already!

Well, I tried. I guess you’ll all have to put up with me being not the most positive person.

Hey, maybe you are too! We should start a club. We’ll call it the Not the Most Positive Person club. Or NTMPP, for short (Damn, I thought that acronym was going to work…NoT MaPP? NiT MiPP? NNNNN-TeM-PiP, I know, the Not MiPP Club. Okay, maybe not).

Cheers 😊

P.S. I know outrightallie won’t take my preposterous allegation seriously. At least I hope not. Next Post: Steve Still Standing Sued For Libel!

P.P.S The picture above is my attempt at being positive. A raging, burning sun, possibly about to supernova. I might need to work on that…

2 thoughts on “Not the most positive person. Who, me? That can’t be right…

Add yours

  1. Nice post, Steve! Sorry for calling you not the most positive person, haha 😀 but I did say you’re funny! And you’re proving that again 😉 trust me, I used to be part of the ‘Not so positive person club’. Sorry to hear you’re struggling with depression, it’s tough. Despite all the shade you’re throwing at me (don’t worry, I know you’re joking ;p), I still wish you all the best.

    Liked by 1 person

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