Yesterday, someone (no names, to protect the anonymity of potentially guilty parties. Alright, it was outrightallie) accused me of being ‘Not the most positive person’. I was, of course, outraged by this incredibly hurtful personal slight, and promptly went through my backlog of posts to see just what she meant.
Okay, so she has a point.
Hmmm…When I started this blog, it was because people in my uni courses found my light-hearted discussion thread posts witty and amusing. I wanted to keep writing on a regular basis, so voila! Instant blog and some funny posts. Over time, as I became more and more depressed at my astounding lack of talent and how unfunny I was, I lapsed into a case of serious ‘Bloglow’. (It’s a real medical condition. In the Ukraine. And Canada. Oh, alright, I made it up.)
(NOTE: That bit about my blog causing depression is not true. Unless you’re a reader of said blog. I actually suffer from long term depression. But it’s nice to blame something…)
So, I guess I’ll have to try to be more positive in future.
I have outlined a ten-point multi-point pointed plan of point attack below, to address this:
- Write more positive poetry – I only write poetry when I’m depressed, so that’s a no go.
- Write funny stories – Sometimes my stories are funny, so that’s a tick.
- Post knock knock jokes – That is so much a Dad-joke thing. Nope.
- Predict the future in a slyly controversial and yet light hearted way – No, my future is pretty bleak, no matter which way I look at it. Next!
- Post political blogs – Although I used to be highly political and opinionated, I hardly ever watch TV, read news or pay attention to anything happening in the real world, instead choosing to live the life of a hermit writer (just to clarify, that’s not a type of crab. It’s an alleged writer, who lives like a hermit).
- Talk more about the weather – Come on, how can that not be funny?! I have just as good a chance of predicting the weather as highly trained weather people do.
- Write more ‘Alpha Girl, Beta Max and Me’ stories – I can do that. I just have to open my door for an endless source of inspiration. And abuse.
- Post life-affirming quotes – Aghhhh!!!! I’m sorry, all you bloggers who already do this, but posting a positive quote from a book is not my bag. I like my content to be original (oooooooh…first shot fired in the controversial blog debate).
- Make more lists – Eventually I’m bound to list something that will make my blog funnier…
- Write more blogs about depression – No! I just said positive, you idiot!
- Learn how to count properly – I can do that. Doesn’t help my blog positivity rating, though.
- Still need to learn how to count properly – alright, already!
Well, I tried. I guess you’ll all have to put up with me being not the most positive person.
Hey, maybe you are too! We should start a club. We’ll call it the Not the Most Positive Person club. Or NTMPP, for short (Damn, I thought that acronym was going to work…NoT MaPP? NiT MiPP? NNNNN-TeM-PiP, I know, the Not MiPP Club. Okay, maybe not).
P.S. I know outrightallie won’t take my preposterous allegation seriously. At least I hope not. Next Post: Steve Still Standing Sued For Libel!
P.P.S The picture above is my attempt at being positive. A raging, burning sun, possibly about to supernova. I might need to work on that…