Lost in the Crowd

Have you ever been in a crowd of people and still felt lost?

I attend church regularly, every Sunday. I play songs for the congregation, listen to the week’s message, pray, socialise. It has become a highlight of my week.

But I always come away feeling sad, less downbeat then when I got there. This is not the fault of the service or the group; sometimes when you’re in a crowd of people you know, you can feel more isolated than ever, and the joy of the event can only serve to remind you of that.

A few years back, before I became Christian, I fell on very dark times and attempted to take my life. It’s not a story I’m proud of (although when I think about it, it is a somewhat black comedy of errors). Suicidal thoughts are something that many people with depression face every day.

Over the many years I’d been depressed, I’d contemplated suicide many times, but had never taken active steps to take my life. I think this is how it is with many people – it is certainly no small decision to make. Looking back, I’m so glad I failed, because it taught me how precious life was and how difficult it should be to try to throw it away.

Nowadays, when I am at my loneliest, I turn to God, to faith and hope and the love that exists in my life, even though I may sometimes be too deep in my dark thoughts to see.

I’m not going to preach to you about finding God. I believe that God finds us all, especially when we need Him most – that’s how He found me.

But if you’re alone, even if you’re in a crowd, and you feel there is no way out – talk to someone. Phone someone. Let them know how you feel. You’ll be surprised at just who will listen. And who will care. And just how many identify with how you feel.

Don’t get so lost in yourself, whether in a crowd or in your personal darkness, that you can’t find your way back to life.

Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australians aged between 15 and 44, with around 2,500 people dying by suicide every year. That’s an average of eight people every day. For every suicide, there are tragic ripple effects for friends, families, colleagues and the broader community. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention

Lifeline is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention services. https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Death by suicide is highest for men aged between 45 and 54, and those over 80, although attempted suicide is more common in women than men. https://www.sane.org/mental-health-and-illness/facts-and-guides/suicidal-behaviour

Feeling suicidal, or know someone who is thinking about ending their life? Sometimes it can feel like it’s too hard to go on, and you’re giving up hope. Remember that suicidal thoughts are just thoughts – you don’t need to act on them. You can get control back. There’s info here on how to do it, what to do when you feel this way, and how to help someone. http://au.reachout.com/tough-times/somethings-not-right/suicide

4 thoughts on “Lost in the Crowd

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  1. I don’t know how to answer your question about being lost in a crowd. It reminded me of the blogger I posted about in class. She just finds people hard, and she was a church minister and worked at a hospice, and also tried taking her life. I find her blog life giving though, when I read it, which isn’t enough lately. It is called Kindred of the Quiet Way by writer Penelope Wilcock.

    This is a topic I have been thinking about since watching the show Please Like Me. I watched it on Netflix and then the last season on iView. The whole show is about this subject, but it is not a depressing show, well except for how I am now thinking about it.

    There is a video on youtube, an Aussie one that attempt to describe what anxiety is for people. I prefer towns and places where you can get lost in the crowd, I like the anonimity. I think some of my kids do too. Not that anywhere in the country is anonymous after awhile.

    My kids are honest, so yeah one that never cried said she has dark days. The tv show seems to link manic depression with suicide, so a little confusing there. I was helped when young by a couple of quotes, took years to happen upon quotes that helped. But yeah I was told by a friend my simplistic ideas were crap lol. My son says crap is not a swear word, I hated it, so yeah sorry about that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My daughter was annoyed that not many people cared. That is true. But eventually online or wherever you are lucky enough to find one that does, then some more. I have spent a lot of time reading Christian fiction or gentle reads, less taxing and less negative. I have been overstimulated by going out, thinking about it for ages after. I don’t think I am quite as bad lately. My method of improving is not good though, so trying to find a balance.

    Liked by 1 person

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