Renewal. A haiku trilogy
1. Passage
Please, grant me passage
that this testament should see
another sunset.
2. Buried
And here I lie, buried
underground. A cadaver
for your amusement.
3. Daybreak
I will claw my way
back from this intransigence
to taste the daybreak.
.
Haiku, I love you.
Let me count the syllables.
Five-seven-five. Mmmmmm…
See what I did there?
Cheers
Steve 🙂
Yesterday was the three-year anniversary of the worst day of my life. Those of you who are regulars will know that I celebrated (rather insanely) by walking 24 kms.
But before I did that I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and had an epiphany. Despite the fact that three years ago I lost EVERYTHING that was dear to me, that I’ve been near crippled with depression and anxiety ever since, that I tried to kill myself, that I’m still undergoing therapy to recover from PST–I am a better man now than I ever was before.
I have accepted my failings. I took responsibility for my actions. While I can never forgive myself, God in his infinite grace, has. I find myself humbled, but stronger emotionally, physically, spiritually. Although I will never recover from depression (I’ve had it all my life), I’ve learned to manage it better. I learned who my true friends are and I value them more than anything. And I have vowed never to repeat the mistakes of the past.
I realised that I had to go through hell to find heaven (that might be a bit of a pithy analogy, but you know what I mean). Like the Phoenix, I needed to burn to rise from the ashes (I’m full of cliches today). Whilst I will always acknowledge my past, it no longer defines me. I am a new man, and I face the future with belief, hope and surety.
That doesn’t mean you won’t hear me agonising about life. But it does mean I have a new found respect for it (life, that is). And with that comes a new found self-respect. Take that, low self-esteem.
Cheers
Steve 🙂
The day has come when the one becomes two
The decree overrides a match made by fools
There is no need to cry, no need to berate
When you’re left on your own, to one single fate
So, do you just start again, or do you stand still?
Do you butt your head on a wall, or just take a pill?
Do you pray in your church, or go out on the town,
Do you walk with a smile, or shuffle with a frown
The day has come and the decision is in
Two old lives are over and two new ones begin
Divorce is a major upheaval for anyone going through it. A gamut of emotions, some good, some bad. In the end, it’s often the best thing. To move on. To have a fresh start.
It’s not always that easy to see at the time, though.
