Christianity, Mental Health, Writing

A Question of Purpose

How do you define yourself? When you have nothing to define yourself with? When your past has been forcibly ejected and you’re holding on for dear life as your plane flies headlong into the ground? When you run out of reasonable and unreasonable metaphors to express yourself?

I hear a lot about purpose. About predestination. As a Christian I’m a believer. But at the same time I find myself purposeless. And I have to ask the question: I’m on God’s path, so what and where is my purpose? (I’m a Christian. I didn’t say I was a patient Christian.)

It’s a simple question, and one that I’m sure has vexed many of you as well. Many people define themselves by their jobs, or their upbringing, or by their education or money. Some by their friendships or achievements. But when you don’t have any of that, what do you do? (Live with your parents, I guess. Question answered? Nope.)

Now, I’m an intelligent man (or so I like to think). I’ve been around. I had a successful career. I’m well educated. I had a loving family. I had the respect of my peers. I did great (and not so great) things. I had purpose. I was fulfilled.

And I lost it all. One day I tripped, fell, and by the time I got back on my feet they were all gone. Like pristine white linen blown from the emotional clothes line during a raging storm. Hmm, that was a terrible simile. How about ‘like a paper boat whirlpooling down life’s storm drain’. No? Okay, I’m out*.

Now, here I am, a creative writing student with no job, no money, no family. Now, I am essentially purposeless**.

I’m searching for the woman of my dreams (is there such a thing?) in the vain hope that with her I’ll regain that missing purpose. But that search has turned out to be more complicated than expected. It seems most women nowadays value men with jobs and money***.

So my question of purpose goes unanswered. I continue to ask everyday. And I wait (less than patiently) for an answer. 

Three years and counting…

Steve 🙂

* I’m not demeaning or making light of my situation. Okay, I am. But if you can’t learn to laugh about your trials and tribulations, you end up going crazy. Maybe I’m there already.

** Except for this blog, I guess. And yes, I do have some family who I love very much, but it sounds far more dramatic and the alliteration works better saying ‘no family’. Stop criticising my creative liberties! Oh, you’re not, that’s me. Sorry.

*** My apologies to any women who think I have summed them up as a cliche–I’m aware I’m generalising. It’s true though ;p

17 thoughts on “A Question of Purpose”

  1. Love the footnotes. As an almost sixty-year-old, I can tell you that the bottom has fallen out of my life a few too many times, and that is as it should be. Imagine a world where we define ourselves and that’s that. End of story. Boring! I like to think of myself as multi-faceted, each trial uncovering more of the layers. I suspect the same is true for you. Stop looking for that woman to complete you – that seldom works in the long run.

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  2. What if the only purpose is to be? Our mind is looking for something “meaningful “: I want to do sth important…. I want to leave a sign when I’m gone… but this is just the ego who speaks because it cannot stand the thought of being nothing.
    And if we allow ourselves just to be we automatically become more who we truly are and that means that what we came to do here finds us, our talents unfold by themselves and the reward comes too because it’s not held back by our own thoughts of being meaningless

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  3. I can relate, but I’ll admit it’s been some time since I stopped questioning my purpose. If I had to sum it up now, I’d say it’s to love, be kind, enjoy the moment, and marvel in the miracle of being alive on this gorgeous planet. I take exception to the generalization that women want men with money – the women I know want men with heart. 🙂

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    1. Hi D, that sounds like a wonderful purpose. I was only joking about what women want, it just seems that the ones I’ve encountered are a bit mercenary. I know I’ll find a loving woman at some point. And she certainly won’t love me for money lol 🙂

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  5. Waiting sucks, but if God is telling you to wait you should wait, and not be impatient like me and try and jump start the process. It only screws things up even more, and then you’re back to waiting with more problems than you started with 🙄 I am slowly coming to the realization that my purpose in the here and now must be to wait until I finally learn how to surrender all to Him…sigh
    Ps. I have a long long way to go with no end in sight😬 But He loves me nonetheless ❤️

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    1. Valuable advice. The big guy (as I like to call him, no disrespect intended) does come through. He has done for me all the time. You’re advice is spot on. Patience is a real virtue. I just have to learn to be more patient. Thanks! 🙂

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